Happy Birthday!

Today, October 20, would have been my mom's 54th Birthday.

Wonder what kind of celebration she's having in Heaven?!?!? Hopefully, all the hot fudge brownie sundaes and birthday cake she can eat!

How You Live

I really wanted to add this to the last post, but I'm having terrible issues embedding this video to Blogger. I'm not patient enough to figure it out/make it work, so I'm just going to add a link.

Heather Payne, a member of the Christian group Point of Grace, is a member at our church. The week we were without electricity, she sang How You Live at the outside service. I was choking back tears the entire time. (And every time I've heard it since then.) Heather has an amazing voice, but the words of the song are even better. You know how sometimes you just hear a song that totally says what your heart feels? As I listened to her sing this song, I thought two things... one being "this is my mom" and the other being "this is who I want to be."

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Here are two links to watch the video. It's well worth five minutes. (At least let the song play while you do something else!) Go here to see it on YouTube or here to see it on imeem. (Which ever works for your computer better!) Oh, and those sweet little blonde kids that you see with Heather? Her precious, precious children.

October

I've been wanting to write on here all week, but can't seem to find the time to do it. I wonder why...we are only in the middle of working on our new house and trying to move in by Friday!!!Add school for Evan, work for me, taking care of Kendall, and church activities...there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done!

Before I go on about October, I think it's difficult to re-word things after you lose a loved one. For example, I still find myself saying "my mom and dad's house." I don't know if that is correct or not. I mean, on one hand, it is still her house, she just isn't there anymore. On the other hand, when I say it, I'm always afraid the person whom I'm speaking is going to think I'm in denial that I think my mom still lives there or something. I guess I shouldn't worry about what other people think anyway because it doesn't matter. I know I'm not in denial about her death.


I already geared myself up for October being a difficult month. It's only the 4th day (I think it's the 4th-ha!) and it's everything I expected it to be. It all started with my bible study on Tuesday night. It was all about Heaven, and it was all I could do to finish the day. (I'm chasing a rabbit here, but it seems as though the talk of Heaven is what gets to me the most. I mean, just play I'll Fly Away or Mercy Me's Homesick and the tears just start. This is not a good thing when I'm driving to work in the morning.) The next day (Wednesday) was my Aunt Judy's birthday. I knew Aunt Judy was probably okay, but also probably a little sad that she couldn't celebrate with her sister. October 20 is (was...again...how do you say that?!?!) my mom's birthday and then Kendall's birthday is the 23rd. I'm thankful that I have the memories of my mom being in the delivery room for Kendall's birth, but I'm sad that she's not here to celebrate with us this year.

Just remember my all my family in your prayers this month. Thankfully, I have lots to keep me busy. We have to be out of our apartment by Friday, company coming the next two weeks after that (one of those being my dad!) and then I'm hosting a baby shower the first weekend in November. I'm glad to have other things to keep my mind busy, but still, when I have down time, she is the first thing that comes to my mind. It's just hard not to miss her when we've got so much big stuff going on right now!