Holidays

So, it's been a while since I've posted on here. I've thought about it, just haven't done it. Sometimes, it's kind-of painful for me. Tonight, I'm going for it.

I didn't really think the Thanksgiving/Christmas season would be much different than any other time. I kept telling myself, "My mom really wasn't a big holiday person." The truth is, she really was, she just was unable to really enjoy it in the last few years because of her illness. I have LOTS of fond memories decorating our house BIG for Christmas and special traditions. While we never did the exact same thing each year or get "big" gifts, we celebrated, that is for sure. Mom had a way of making holidays memorable.

Again, it's little things that keep getting to me. Like finding great new holiday recipes, and not being able to call my mom and tell her all about them. I keep thinking about how much she loved to cook and how good she was at it, always trying new things and keeping all the old favorites. My mom had a WONDERFUL spiced tea recipe. And home-made hot cocoa. I don't remember EVER going home during the holiday season and not having one or both of these. Or apple cider. Red hots and apple juice, on the stove in that white Corning-ware, stove friendly pitcher. (I may confiscate that pitcher when I go home. HA!)

I've had a couple of break-down moments in the last couple of weeks, too. Both happening at the mall. Oh, yes. The first one was a couple of weeks ago, when Evan and I were out and about. We ran in the mall because he had some gift card money left from his birthday and went in through the Von Maur department store entrance. (If you aren't familiar with Von Maur, it's a bit swankier than Dillard's or Macy's, but they have GREAT sale racks.) :) Anyway, apparently, their "shopping" music is a live pianist. (I'm not sure if it's this way all the time, or just during the Christmas season.) On our way out the door, we walked by the piano, and I happened to get a glimpse of the lady playing, along with her songbook and I lost it. I just looked at Evan and said, "We've got to get out of here." We barely made it to the doors when the tears started coming. The book the lady was playing from was a Reader's Digest songbook, the Holiday one. The same one that my mom played from. All of these memories just came flooding back of Kara and I dancing and singing in the front room of the big, green, two-story house begging my mom to "play this one, play this one" over and over again.

The second moment came this week, while we were at the mall "walking off our dinner" with Evan's parents who were in town for the Thanksgiving week. We walked in the Hallmark store and I took one look at the wall of Hallmark ornaments, the tears started burning my eyes and my heart started beating so hard I had to walk out of the store. See, since Kara and I were babies, my mom collected Hallmark ornaments for us. Not just any of the Hallmark ornaments, but the series ones. I have two completed series and am on my third, while Kara has one completed series, and is still working on one (that is in it's 25th year this year). The grandkids have them, too. (In all seriousness, I didn't know other people decorated their Christmas trees with ornaments other than Hallmark ones until I was in middle school or junior high. I really thought Christmas ornaments were invented by Hallmark!!! HA HA!!!) Looking at that wall of ornaments just reminded me of one more thing my mom isn't around to do. After a few more tears, I went home, called my dad and reminded him of the tradition and he of course obliged to pay for the ornaments. Kara and I decided we would let him finish out these series, since mom started them, then "pay it forward" for our children in the years to come. It made the most sense to us. So, I went back to the Hallmark store and bought all five ornaments the next day.

I'm sure this is just the first of many in the days to come! Thanks to all of you, again, who think of us and remember to pray for our family. It's still what gets us through!

Missing my Mom...

I'm not going to lie. I've been missing my mom a lot lately. Not really had any tears over it or anything. I just miss her. And it's not really the big stuff that makes me miss her, it's little things...like how Kendall tried to put her paci in my mouth today, then proceeded to try and put it in her baby doll's mouth. Or like wishing my mom could hear Kendall say "Uh-Oh" because it's the sweetest thing in the whole world. Anyway, I'm just missing her.

One thing that is really neat is how other people have stepped in to fill the void that was left when my mom died. Like my cousin Laura making Kendall hair bows. Or Kendall's "Nana Ann" sending packages and calling to check on us. And Mrs. Carol sending smocked dresses. It's not the "stuff" these people send, it's the thoughtfulness behind it. Mom can never be replaced, but these sentiments make it a whole lot easier.

I may have said on here before about how since my mom died, I think about Heaven a lot more than I ever did before, and sometimes long for it in a way I can't describe. The thought occurred to me last night, while sitting in church, that as glorious and wonderful as the reunion in Heaven with my mom will be, the reunion with Jesus will be so much better! It was almost overwhelming trying to picture it, but isn't that an amazing thought?