one year

A year ago tonight, I got a phone call from my dad that rocked my world. I remember so many things about that day...

I remember talking to my dad as I was driving home from meetings at school. Mom wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk, but I could hear her in the background telling my dad stuff to tell me.

I remember the weather being unseasonably cool, so we went to Cherokee Park to grill out and play on the playground with Kendall. It was SUCH a fun evening.

I remember spending a lot of the night blogging-catching our family blog up-to-speed AND updating on this one.

I remember finishing up at the computer and hearing the phone ring, around 10:30, with my first thought being, "This better not be my dad."

I remember seeing daddy's number on caller id, and my heart pounding.

I remember hearing daddy tell me "Your momma died" and the shock that set in my body. I literally shook for an hour and a half afterwards, and continued shaking the next day as I had to make phone calls to loved ones.

I remember Kendall waking up in the middle of the night that night, which was very rare. Evan tried to go console her, but she didn't settle down until I took her. I sat in her room, just holding her with tears streaming my face.



It's so hard to believe that a year has passed. I'd like to think that I'm bigger, better, stronger, nicer, kinder, more loving, etc, etc. but I really don't think that's true. One thing I do know is that I'm changed.


I love music. I love the way songs can express the way my heart feels. I remember listening to this song as we drove back to Louisville from Arkansas and thought the words were so true. The other day, I had Pandora on, and this song happened to play. The tears just started coming to the point I had to stop what I was doing. (To which Kendall says, "Why you crying, Mommy?" And even though she has no idea, I reply with "Because mommy misses her mommy.") Probably nothing else could express my feelings better than this song...




I miss her terribly, and know many others do the same. I rejoice in having a mother that I CAN miss and knowing that this goodbye is temporary.

As my sweet friend Angie said today, she is "one in heaven years!" Happy "Heavenly" Birthday to my precious mother!