Holidays

So, it's been a while since I've posted on here. I've thought about it, just haven't done it. Sometimes, it's kind-of painful for me. Tonight, I'm going for it.

I didn't really think the Thanksgiving/Christmas season would be much different than any other time. I kept telling myself, "My mom really wasn't a big holiday person." The truth is, she really was, she just was unable to really enjoy it in the last few years because of her illness. I have LOTS of fond memories decorating our house BIG for Christmas and special traditions. While we never did the exact same thing each year or get "big" gifts, we celebrated, that is for sure. Mom had a way of making holidays memorable.

Again, it's little things that keep getting to me. Like finding great new holiday recipes, and not being able to call my mom and tell her all about them. I keep thinking about how much she loved to cook and how good she was at it, always trying new things and keeping all the old favorites. My mom had a WONDERFUL spiced tea recipe. And home-made hot cocoa. I don't remember EVER going home during the holiday season and not having one or both of these. Or apple cider. Red hots and apple juice, on the stove in that white Corning-ware, stove friendly pitcher. (I may confiscate that pitcher when I go home. HA!)

I've had a couple of break-down moments in the last couple of weeks, too. Both happening at the mall. Oh, yes. The first one was a couple of weeks ago, when Evan and I were out and about. We ran in the mall because he had some gift card money left from his birthday and went in through the Von Maur department store entrance. (If you aren't familiar with Von Maur, it's a bit swankier than Dillard's or Macy's, but they have GREAT sale racks.) :) Anyway, apparently, their "shopping" music is a live pianist. (I'm not sure if it's this way all the time, or just during the Christmas season.) On our way out the door, we walked by the piano, and I happened to get a glimpse of the lady playing, along with her songbook and I lost it. I just looked at Evan and said, "We've got to get out of here." We barely made it to the doors when the tears started coming. The book the lady was playing from was a Reader's Digest songbook, the Holiday one. The same one that my mom played from. All of these memories just came flooding back of Kara and I dancing and singing in the front room of the big, green, two-story house begging my mom to "play this one, play this one" over and over again.

The second moment came this week, while we were at the mall "walking off our dinner" with Evan's parents who were in town for the Thanksgiving week. We walked in the Hallmark store and I took one look at the wall of Hallmark ornaments, the tears started burning my eyes and my heart started beating so hard I had to walk out of the store. See, since Kara and I were babies, my mom collected Hallmark ornaments for us. Not just any of the Hallmark ornaments, but the series ones. I have two completed series and am on my third, while Kara has one completed series, and is still working on one (that is in it's 25th year this year). The grandkids have them, too. (In all seriousness, I didn't know other people decorated their Christmas trees with ornaments other than Hallmark ones until I was in middle school or junior high. I really thought Christmas ornaments were invented by Hallmark!!! HA HA!!!) Looking at that wall of ornaments just reminded me of one more thing my mom isn't around to do. After a few more tears, I went home, called my dad and reminded him of the tradition and he of course obliged to pay for the ornaments. Kara and I decided we would let him finish out these series, since mom started them, then "pay it forward" for our children in the years to come. It made the most sense to us. So, I went back to the Hallmark store and bought all five ornaments the next day.

I'm sure this is just the first of many in the days to come! Thanks to all of you, again, who think of us and remember to pray for our family. It's still what gets us through!

Missing my Mom...

I'm not going to lie. I've been missing my mom a lot lately. Not really had any tears over it or anything. I just miss her. And it's not really the big stuff that makes me miss her, it's little things...like how Kendall tried to put her paci in my mouth today, then proceeded to try and put it in her baby doll's mouth. Or like wishing my mom could hear Kendall say "Uh-Oh" because it's the sweetest thing in the whole world. Anyway, I'm just missing her.

One thing that is really neat is how other people have stepped in to fill the void that was left when my mom died. Like my cousin Laura making Kendall hair bows. Or Kendall's "Nana Ann" sending packages and calling to check on us. And Mrs. Carol sending smocked dresses. It's not the "stuff" these people send, it's the thoughtfulness behind it. Mom can never be replaced, but these sentiments make it a whole lot easier.

I may have said on here before about how since my mom died, I think about Heaven a lot more than I ever did before, and sometimes long for it in a way I can't describe. The thought occurred to me last night, while sitting in church, that as glorious and wonderful as the reunion in Heaven with my mom will be, the reunion with Jesus will be so much better! It was almost overwhelming trying to picture it, but isn't that an amazing thought?

Happy Birthday!

Today, October 20, would have been my mom's 54th Birthday.

Wonder what kind of celebration she's having in Heaven?!?!? Hopefully, all the hot fudge brownie sundaes and birthday cake she can eat!

How You Live

I really wanted to add this to the last post, but I'm having terrible issues embedding this video to Blogger. I'm not patient enough to figure it out/make it work, so I'm just going to add a link.

Heather Payne, a member of the Christian group Point of Grace, is a member at our church. The week we were without electricity, she sang How You Live at the outside service. I was choking back tears the entire time. (And every time I've heard it since then.) Heather has an amazing voice, but the words of the song are even better. You know how sometimes you just hear a song that totally says what your heart feels? As I listened to her sing this song, I thought two things... one being "this is my mom" and the other being "this is who I want to be."

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life lookin' back

So go to the ballgames
And go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night
Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away
Just face it and you'll be okay

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it
Lookin' back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did
It's how you live

Here are two links to watch the video. It's well worth five minutes. (At least let the song play while you do something else!) Go here to see it on YouTube or here to see it on imeem. (Which ever works for your computer better!) Oh, and those sweet little blonde kids that you see with Heather? Her precious, precious children.

October

I've been wanting to write on here all week, but can't seem to find the time to do it. I wonder why...we are only in the middle of working on our new house and trying to move in by Friday!!!Add school for Evan, work for me, taking care of Kendall, and church activities...there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done!

Before I go on about October, I think it's difficult to re-word things after you lose a loved one. For example, I still find myself saying "my mom and dad's house." I don't know if that is correct or not. I mean, on one hand, it is still her house, she just isn't there anymore. On the other hand, when I say it, I'm always afraid the person whom I'm speaking is going to think I'm in denial that I think my mom still lives there or something. I guess I shouldn't worry about what other people think anyway because it doesn't matter. I know I'm not in denial about her death.


I already geared myself up for October being a difficult month. It's only the 4th day (I think it's the 4th-ha!) and it's everything I expected it to be. It all started with my bible study on Tuesday night. It was all about Heaven, and it was all I could do to finish the day. (I'm chasing a rabbit here, but it seems as though the talk of Heaven is what gets to me the most. I mean, just play I'll Fly Away or Mercy Me's Homesick and the tears just start. This is not a good thing when I'm driving to work in the morning.) The next day (Wednesday) was my Aunt Judy's birthday. I knew Aunt Judy was probably okay, but also probably a little sad that she couldn't celebrate with her sister. October 20 is (was...again...how do you say that?!?!) my mom's birthday and then Kendall's birthday is the 23rd. I'm thankful that I have the memories of my mom being in the delivery room for Kendall's birth, but I'm sad that she's not here to celebrate with us this year.

Just remember my all my family in your prayers this month. Thankfully, I have lots to keep me busy. We have to be out of our apartment by Friday, company coming the next two weeks after that (one of those being my dad!) and then I'm hosting a baby shower the first weekend in November. I'm glad to have other things to keep my mind busy, but still, when I have down time, she is the first thing that comes to my mind. It's just hard not to miss her when we've got so much big stuff going on right now!

Dancing with the Stars

My mom's favorite prime-time show, hands down. She was a religious watcher and voter. The night I delivered Kendall, she watched the results show in the delivery room (which if I remember correctly, was the one after Marie Osmond took the plunge on national television). Her favorite season was when Emmitt Smith. She wanted Daddy to take her to the tour show when it was in Nashville that year, but it didn't work out.

Anyway, watch it this season and think of my mom. I am. I may even vote once for her!

Picture and Stories

I posted this picture on our family blog, but I thought it was worthy of a double post. Isn't it great? Miss Carol Hickman sent it to me this week. It was taken at Kyleigh and Chad's engagement party out at Warrior. I remember mom calling me the next day to tell me how much fun the party was and how she and daddy had such a great time. I'm so happy to have this picture, and I'm glad that Miss Carol was such a sweet friend to my mom.

Mom loved to give. I kid you not when I say that she would rather give a present than get one. For my Aunt Judy's 50th birthday, mom sent her 50 presents for her to open on the 50 days before the day, then surprised her with a girls' weekend in Hot Springs, with all my Aunt Judy's best friends. She had more fun picking out things for other people than for herself. Anytime I told my mom I liked something of hers, her reply was ALWAYS, "You can have it." I would tell her I liked her shoes and she would say, "You can just have them. I don't wear them that much anyway." (Good thing that we wore the same size!) Same thing with jewelry, make-up, candles, etc. Anytime we were together, I'd end up coming home with loads more than I took with me. Just because. Finally, one day I just said, "I don't say that I like it so you will give it to me, I just want you to know that I like it." She then says, "I know. But if I didn't want to give it away, I wouldn't." I loved that about my mom. I want to be just like that.

Apparently, the day that mom and dad were leaving for California, mom was sitting at the kitchen table finishing up some last minute things. Daddy was walking in and out of the house, loading the van. Mom says to daddy, "I'm going to send _____ some money." (I'm leaving out the name for the sake of privacy. Just one of my mom's friends that was going through a difficult time with sickness/finances.) Daddy says, "Okay," and continues to go in and out of the house. Mom then says, "I'm going to send her $100." Again, daddy says, "Okay." Mom then says, "Roger, are you sure you don't care?" Daddy again says, "No, Janice, I don't care. Do what you need to do." At that point, he stops and looks at her as he is speaking and mom looks up at him with tears in her eyes and says, "I just have to help somebody before I go."

What a legacy! Were any of you ever on the receiving end of my mom's kindness? If so, I'd love to hear your story!

Fridays...

Fridays and Saturdays have been especially difficult for me the last couple of weeks. I think it's because I'm so busy during the week, that my mind isn't on the loss of my mom constantly (don't get me wrong, I think about it a lot), but when Friday hits, all I can think about is the phone call from my dad. Then, I start replaying the whole day over and over again. Anyway, the last couple of weekends were a little tough.

This weekend, we decided to be proactive and plan ahead something to do, which was a great idea. Evan and I went to the Seminary for a Family Night back to school bash. Lot's of free food, games, inflatables, and carnival rides...so much fun. Kendall will certainly have a blast in the years to come at this event.

I shared a story with a friend tonight that I've shared over and over since we got the phone call. I've wanted to write it just for my memory and record; I know some of you have heard it already. Anyway...here goes...

If you've ever heard a sermon in your lifetime that you know it was God's word to you, then you will know what I'm talking about. I have very few sermons that I can actually remember, but the Sunday after my mom died was one of those sermons.

I had not sat in a worship service in probably six weeks or more. The Sunday after my mom died was the first Sunday that I wasn't either in the nursery or helping in a SS class somewhere, but I know God had me in that service for a reason. First, the music just got to me. One of the first songs we sang was It is Well With My Soul. If you are in my extended family, then you will understand the significance of that song. Our family has always been "big" on hymns, and this is probably my dad's all-time favorite (besides How Great Thou Art) and was one of the songs used at my Aunt Ramona's funeral (also the last song that I ever heard her sing), not to mention the story behind the song. (If you aren't sure of the song or the story, click here.) At any rate, I sang the song (barely) with tears streaming down my face, praising God, because I KNEW it really was well with my soul. Then, the next song was something all about attributes of God. I can't remember the name of the song or many of the lyrics, but all I could think while I was singing was that God is still all thse things, even in the midst of my sadness. He is no less capable, no less big, no less of a healer because he chose to take my mom home with Him.

Then came the sermon...Our pastor had been preaching a sermon series on the Sermon on the Mount for several weeks. Most of it I missed, due to being other places during worship time. The verses that week were the end part of Matthew 6, that are all about worrying. As he spoke on verse 27 that says, "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" I thought about that verse in light of my mom's illness.

If you were ever around her, it was very rare that she was worried. I don't even think she just put on a good front, I think she just knew that ultimately, her hope was in heaven. She didn't sit and talk about how sick she was or what might happen in the future. She didn't have her funeral planned out. She didn't want to talk about any of that. Maybe inside she was a little afraid of her own death, but I really don't think so. I think she was just extremely confident about her eternal salvation.

While she had a heavenly hope, I believe God gave her an earthly hope in that surgery. After hearing Dr. Cook speak on those verses, I believe it was every bit of right and okay for her to live for that surgery on earth, because she knew that ultimately she would be healed one way or another. If you spoke with her in her last days, she was so excited about the possibility of having new life on earth again! Had she (we) sat around and talked about her death or what was to come, I believe we would have been worried about the future, (which according to the verses in Matthew, is sin) and wouldn't have enjoyed our final days with her.

I'm so thankful for my mom's hope. I'm so thankful for a God that IS hope!

More Pictures

I'm so thankful for pictures. I have looked through the same stack of pictures a thousand times since my mom got so sick in June. Pictures have a way of helping you remember and notice things you otherwise might not. I know this one is not of my mom, but I couldn't help but notice that my sister has on a church dress and is riding a three-wheeler with my dad. What mom would let their child do such a thing?!?!?! :)
This picture was taken the same day as the other one...my first birthday. I loved that my sister has on my mom's shoes in this picture. (Well, I'm assuming they are my moms. They aren't my Mammaw's!) I can just see my mom taking her shoes off and letting Kara tramps around the yard!
My mom LOVED the water and sun! My memories of summer were of us in the pool, all day, everyday. Either my mom or dad won this raft from somewhere, and it was not a good raft to lay on because it was so flat, so we used it as a surf board. My mom would stand there and help us get our balance, then we would compete to see how long we could stay on the board. This was a "pool favorite" and I'm pretty sure the raft (that was made from styrofoam) was in shreds by the time we threw it away.
I'm not sure what year this was, or how much snow we got, but I was probably in second grade. My mom went to Dallas for a meeting and got stuck there for several extra days because of all the snow. I'm sure my dad could tell the whole story, but I think he ended up having to wire money out to my mom because she didn't take any extra cash or credit cards with her. I think she learned her lesson about traveling unprepared!This picture is from when my mom broke her ankle. I was in third grade and mom made big plans for everyday of our spring break. (Funny now that I don't remember what we were supposed to do the rest of the week!) On the Tuesday of that week, she took us roller skating with several other people. She and Marcia Freemyer were standing against the back wall of the skating rink talking, and mom's feet just rolled out from underneath her. Mrs. Marcia ended up having to help carry my mom to the car, then drive her to the doctor's office. Mom ended up having to have two steel plates and six screws put in her ankle from that incident. She wore a cast for what seemed like forever! Ironically, when mom fell and broke her elbow at the end of May, Mrs. Marcia ended up being the one the the clinic to help take care of my mom, just like she did all those years ago when Mom broke her ankle. Mrs. Marcia was a sweet, sweet friend...

I'm sure there will be more pictures to come!

A conversation and a dream...

My parents were able to come visit Evan, Kendall, and me the weekend before they left for San Diego. Initially, the visit was supposed to be my daddy and Granddaddy Dub to bring all my classroom stuff, but when mom called me to tell me she was getting to go to Cali, the first thing I said was, "I want to see you before you go" to which she replied with, "I know, I want to see you too, I'll beg your dad and see if he will let me come." (She was so sick that traveling was VERY difficult.) I later got an email from my mom that said, "I didn't have to any begging. He said I could come." Funny how God was preparing us then, but we didn't even know it.

Before their visit, I thought some about how that visit might be the last time I got to see my mom. It wasn't something I thought about a lot, but it crossed my mind on several occasions. I think I just wanted to make sure that we had a wonderful visit and that I enjoyed and made the most of our time together. We certainly did. The only regret I have is that I didn't take more pictures, but I kept thinking that when she was home from her surgery I'd take millions of pictures because she wouldn't have that horrible oxygen tube up her nose anymore. Now, I'm going to be that crazy person that whips out my camera everywhere.

The Saturday night that my parents were here, I laid down in the bed with my mom. Nothing out of the ordinary...lots of our conversations through the years were at bedtime. (In fact, before I was married, I think anytime I went home to visit my parents my dad would end up sleeping in his recliner or in the extra bedroom because I would fall asleep in their bed after visiting and watching t.v. with my mom.) While we were laying there talking, I said (with tears in my eyes), "Mom, I've been thinking about how this might be the last time I get to see you." My mom said, "Oh, Leah, don't think like that. Even if something happens and I die, the time that we are separated won't be very long." I told her that I knew all that, and that I just wanted to make sure that our weekend was the best that it could be. She then went on to tell me how glad she was that she got to come to Louisville for the weekend, even if it was just a quick trip and how great the weekend was for her.

Then, I asked my mom if she was scared. She said, "No, I'm not scared of the surgery. I'm only scared of waking up with that breathing tube in my mouth. I'm so excited about the surgery, I can't really be scared. I just can't wait (in the words of Jackson) to be normal again. I know that if something does happen, it's okay, because I will be in Heaven with Jesus."

That was the end of the conversation.

Today, I got an email from my Aunt Judy. In her email, she asked me how I was, then went on to say that she had sad moments everyday and that she and my mom shared so many things, that she longed to hear my mom describe her transport into heaven.

Funny...I'd been thinking about the same thing.

I napped for about two hours with Kendall this afternoon. While I was napping, I had a dream about my mom. Many of the details about the dream are very foggy, but I do remember asking her some questions. I asked her if she knew she was dying that night that she left the hotel, to which she replied with, "I fought it to the end." I also asked her what it was like to go to heaven and in my dream she said, "I can't tell you, but you just need to know that it's amazing." Then, I told her how much I missed her and wished that I could talk to her everyday. She said, "Soon, Leah. Very soon. We won't be separated much longer."

On two different occasions, I've heard this verse in the last few weeks:

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

God is peace in the midst of sadness. Remembering the conversation I had with my mom and now this dream brings me such peace, even in the midst of my sadness. I know that our separation, be it 5 years or 50 years, won't be long in eternity's perspective. How I am thankful.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

What to do?

I've been wondering what to do with this blog site, now that my mom is in heaven with Jesus. Delete it? End it with a thank-you and just leave it out there in the blog world? I don't really know, so for now, (at the advice of my friend Angie) I've decided to maybe share some pictures and memories of my mom with whoever is still reading this thing. I think it will help me with the grieving process. I've been wanting to make a journal with memories anyway, and it seems these days, it's easier for me to type on a computer than to sit down and write with pen and paper. Plus, it's less clutter.

So here is the first...

This is one of my favorite pictures. It's probably the only picture that my mom didn't write on the back of, and all I can remember is that it was taken at someone's wedding. I also know that the picture was taken in 1982, because of the date stamp. (So, if you read this and you know whose wedding it is, I'd love to know. It looks like the inside of the fellowship hall at Grand Avenue United Methodist Church, but I could be completely wrong.)

As a little girl, I knew exactly which picture album this was in and could go straight to it. To me, my mom was the epitome of beautiful in this picture. She looks absolutely perfect here, which is how I remember her looking most of the time...up until she got sick. I think I also loved this picture because she was playing the piano, one of her favorite things to do. This probably sounds odd, but I knew what my mom's hands sounded like on a keyboard. I could pick her fingers out playing a song like I could pick her voice out of a crowd. I never want to forget that.

Many of my memories involve my mom sitting at a piano. She had a HUGE collection of music, one of the collections being a set of Reader's Digest music books. Out of that Reader's Digest set was a Best Loved Children's Songs (or something along that line) and I remember picking out songs like "The Muppet Show Theme Song", "My Favorite Things," and "Mairzy Doats" for my mom to play so that Kara and I could sing along. She rarely ever told us "no" when we asked her to play the piano for us.

When my dad finally got back to Arkansas and we got to their house on Wednesday, I started going through pictures to make a memory board for the visitation and the funeral. Of course, I went straight to this picture. When daddy and Kara saw this picture (at individual times) they both said, "She looks so pretty." I couldn't agree more.

Funeral arrangements

Visitation for Janice will be held Friday from 5-8 pm at Turpin Funeral Home in Stuttgart.

Funeral service will be held Saturday at 2 pm at Park Avenue Missionary Baptist Church in Stuttgart.

Memories of My Mom

Hello all!

Just a quick word to let you know that while we are all so very sad, we are okay. God is good, all the time, and even in our sadness and pain, we see glimpses of his grace and mercy.

My dad will be in Yuma, Arizona until the autopsy is finished. My Aunt Marva is flying to Arizona tomorrow morning so daddy doesn't have to be by himself. She will ride back to Arkansas with him. He was told the autopsy could possibly be finished by Monday. At this point, we have no idea as far as the day for a visitation or funeral, but I know that everything will be in Stuttgart through Turpin.

I don't know who all reads this blog, but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear any special memories that ANY of the readers have of my mom. Please, comment or email me. Honestly, it would mean the world to me, and I will share them with my daddy later. I know he would love it, too. If you don't know how to comment, go to this previous post (read to the end) and hopefully you can figure it out. My email is leahsmith8980@yahoo.com.

We will keep you posted as we know more. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Janice Blackwood Henderson: October 20, 1954 - August 8, 2008

Posted by Evan Smith (Leah's husband):

Leah's dad called us about an hour ago to let Leah know that her mom passed away tonight.

Leah may have mentioned this in her earlier post, but apparently Janice had not been feeling well most of the day and this evening she passed out in their hotel room. She came to and didn't even realize that she had passed out, but her vitals were really low so Roger called 911 and they went to the hospital. She died either on the way to the hospital or shortly after arriving.

We praise God for the fact that Janice is in His presence tonight enjoying a perfectly healed body and taking deep breaths of Heaven's fresh air. But while we rejoice for Janice, we're also sad because she leaves behind a lot of family and friends who are all really going to miss having her here with us.

Roger is still in Yuma and will be for at least a couple of days while the autopsy is performed. He has a family member coming out to help him with the drive home which will take a couple of days. At this point, we don't know anything as far as arrangements, but we will be sure to post information as we get it.

Where in the world are they!?!?!

Sorry for the lack of updating while my parents are traveling...here is the latest:

When I talked to mom and dad today, they were in Tuscon, Arizona. They are thinking they will be in San Diego sometime tomorrow.

Please, please send prayers up for them. I can't remember if I posted this or not, but mom came down with a sinus infection (very normal for her) the day they left. She got a Decadron shot before leaving, which usually helps. Also, daddy said that yesterday and today mom has been sick to her stomach. They are thinking that might have something do do with her oxygen and hoped to have that figured out. I think they didn't make it as far as they wanted to today, which isn't a very big deal, just means they will get to San Diego a little later than planned. (But, they have gained two hours, so it should all work out!)

On the Road

Mom and dad left today for San Diego. There was a little debate about what was best-flying or driving-but after her appointment with Dr. Robbins last week, they decided to drive. Dr. Robbins said that with mom being on such high amounts of liquid oxygen, it would make traveling in an airplane difficult. Anyway, they are planning on driving 5-6 hours a day, so mom doesn't get too tired along the way. I am not completely sure of the route, but dad bought a GPS system to help them on the road.

Evan, Kendall and I had a great visit with them this weekend. You can read all about our visit here. Mom really looks great and seems to feel pretty well for the most part. She must be in tip-top shape for the surgery, so I am praying the traveling doesn't wear her out too much.

Mom and dad wanted me to post this funny story, too...Coby went to Centri-Kid with the kids from my parent's church a couple of weeks ago. At the end of that week, Kara and Jackson went down to my parent's house to spend the night and pick up Coby. As Kara and the boys were leaving, mom asked the boys to come give her a hug and told them it would probably be a while before she would see them again. Jackson immediately asks, "Why won't we see you?" Mom then tells Jackson that she's going to the hospital for a while. Jackson then replies, "Why are you going to the hospital, so you can be normal again?" So...mom is going to the hospital so she can be normal again! Isn't that cute?!?!? Jackson, as wild as he is, is pretty sharp for a five year old!

We SOOO cannot wait for mom to be normal again! I will continue to keep you guys posted on their trip. Please continue to lift my parents up in prayer!

Account Information

My Aunt Marva set up a bank account for anyone who would like to help my parents with expenses of going to San Diego. This money will be used to help pay travel expenses and utilities, etc. while they are gone. With travel time and time in the hospital, they could be gone for about a month.

Here is the account information:

Twin City Bank
ATTN: Beth Lindsey
9501 Maumelle Blvd.
North Little Rock, AR 72113

There are many Twin City Banks around this area, so, any deposits to mom and dad's account account need to be sent to this particular branch. It will help them a lot to be sure the money goes into the right place. Put on there somewhere that it is to go into the account for Roger or Janice Henderson. And be sure it is sent to the attention of Beth Lindsey.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!! We love you all!

Late, Breaking News!!

Mom got THE phone call today!!!

From all indications, she IS a candidate for the surgery to remove the blockage! Praise the Lord! What an answer to prayer already!

She has to be in San Diego on August 10 and will go through three days of testing. The doctors in San Diego want to do thorough testing with their own equipment, since they are going off the test results from Vanderbilt. If the testing in San Diego shows the same results as testing at Vanderbilt, she will have a three day break, then have the surgery.

The surgery is a 10 hour surgery. After the surgery, she would be in ICU for three to five days, then in a regular room for about a week before coming home and LIVING A NORMAL, HEALTHY LIFESTYLE again! Wow!!

God has answered many prayers already, and we are so thankful to know that she is even a possible candidate for the surgery. The person that mom talked to on the phone today said that it's very rare that anyone is even a candidate for this particular surgery. To my mom, that was a positive sign.

Mom and dad love a good road trip, so they are planning on driving to San Diego. Actually, they've always wanted to drive out west, although I don't think California was the final destination! Please just pray for traveling mercies as they drive. I will update when I know more about their travel plans.

PLEASE, PLEASE just keep on praying that God will work in a mighty way through this potential surgery! We see God at work through the prayers of his people!

Doctor's Appointment

I talked to my mom this morning. She has an appointment scheduled with Dr. Robbins on July 29. Hopefully, she will get some answers.

She is still doing very well...she and my dad went to Kara's house on Saturday for Coby's birthday party. They brought Coby home with them so he could go to Centri-Kid (camp) with my parent's church. (I think he could hardly sleep on Sunday night he was so excited about camp!)

Please continue to remember my mom in your prayers...and pray specifically for the upcoming doctor visit! Thank you!

Still No News...

*Edit* Apparently, mom went to church this morning. (Thanks, Shannon, for giving me the update! And thanks for praying! We love your family so much!) I knew she was aiming towards that, but had not talked to her today! YAY!!!

Mom is still waiting to hear from the lab in San Diego. To me, it seems like it's taking a long time. In the medical world, this may be nothing! Hopefully, she will hear something soon.

I think she's been getting around fairly well the last week. I know she's driven herself to have her weekly blood work done and to the beauty shop. She starts therapy on her elbow tomorrow. We were so excited to know that Ashley Whitmore, one of my closest friends from college, will be her therapist!

I think that is about it. She's finding things to occupy her time. Crossword puzzles, books...stuff like that. I know she's been checking her own email and getting on the computer some, too.

Keep praying.

My mom...the drama queen!

Sorry for the lack of updating; there has really been no news to post. Mom is still waiting to hear from the lab in San Diego. She thinks the holiday weekend probably slowed things down a bit. Hopefully, she will know something this week!

Everything has been going pretty smoothly...until today. Apparently, a a pin hole got in the Hickman Catheter and blood started backing up. Dad had to take mom to the ER at Baptist in Little Rock so she could get that fixed. As of about 30 minutes ago (7:30 Arkansas time) they were on their way home! Yes, yes...mom always has to create some sort of drama. :)

Mom and dad drove to see Kara and the boys on the 4th. (Keith got a new territory, and they are now living in Calico Rock instead of Jonesboro.) Apparently, Kara and Keith have rented a very nice place for very little money with lots of room (inside and out) for the boys to play. I know they are all excited. Mom enjoyed getting to spend some time with Coby and Jackson. She said Coby would hardly leave her side, while Jackson stayed glued to my dad the whole time.

I guess that's about all. Hopefully, we will know something soon about the surgery! Keep praying!

Conversations with my mom...

I talked to my mom on the phone this morning for a good bit. She sounds wonderful. I know she is just really glad to be home and in her own space. On Friday, she went to the beauty shop and had her hair washed (yes...like a little old lady!) and was even able to go over to the Hickman's house and sit out on their pool deck for a while. Sunshine is certainly good for the soul!

The blood thinner is a shot in the stomach. I thought it was another pill to take. So much that I know! Mom is trying to get those on an 8-8 schedule, so she doesn't have to get up really early to give herself a shot. I was actually surprised when I called today (around 9:00 Arkansas time)and she was sitting in the living room; I really thought she would be in the bed so she could keep her feet up more. She even went in and checked her own email AND this blog today! Go mom!!! She hasn't been on the computer since she broke her elbow Memorial Day weekend.

Sooo...the question I had for my mom today was, "What happens if you the blockage in your lungs shows up that it can be fixed with surgery? Does that mean the PH is fixed, too?" Her understanding (I didn't ask her if I could share this, so I really hope it's okay!) is that right now, it looks as though the PH is secondary to whatever is causing this blockage in her lungs. If they can figure out what is causing the blockage and if that can be fixed with surgery, that her PH would be no more.

Will you guys pray that is the case??? Wouldn't that be wonderful?!?!?!

On another note...we've had several people tell us that they've wanted to leave comments but couldn't figure out how/what to do, etc. Basically, all you have to do is click where it says comments, write what you want to write, then fill out all the other info. I am pretty sure you have to give your email address and you might even have to create a log-in name the first time, but that's it. Oh, it might ask you to retype some numbers and letters, too. I think that is just supposed to reduce the spam generated on the site. We don't really care if you are reading it and not leaving a comment...it's just fun to know sometimes. Also, when mom and dad were in Nashville, I printed off all the comments and faxed them to my dad so they both could read all the encouraging notes. They were moved to tears!!

Going Home

I just talked to dad about 5 minutes ago, and they are on their way home from Nashville.

Mom is doing really well. She has lost 20 POUNDS of fluid since going into the hospital two and a half weeks ago. Through the different testing done while she was in the hospital, some blockage was found in her lungs. The doctor put her on a blood thinner for now, and has sent the test results to a lab in San Diego. There is a possibility that this issue can be fixed with surgery, but we won't know anything further until the results come back from the lab.

Please continue to pray. I know my mom is so glad to be going home!

Thank Yous

I don't know if some of these people will ever read this blog, but I just want to say thank you to the following people. I know my parent's feel the same way, but they didn't ask me to do this. This is just from me. I may post thank-yous periodically through this journey...these are just fresh on my mind right now!

*Ginger and Amy-you two are so sweet. My mom loves your families dearly and I was so shocked to see your comments on my personal blog! Thanks for taking the time to check on us. I'm glad to have personal contact with you again.

*Joe-thanks for going to see mom and dad this weekend. My mom thinks so much of you. I know she was glad to have a visitor. Thanks for the idea to add the PH Association link. If you think of anything else, let me know.

*Aunt Judy-I just can't say enough. I know you said it was an honor for you to be with my mom, but I'm so grateful. I couldn't ask for a better aunt.

*Aunt Marva-You think of all the things we need to do and do them. Thanks for supporting my dad. Same to you...I couldn't ask for a better aunt.

*Dr. Coker-You are the one who initially found the PH. Thanks for taking such great care of my mom the last four years and treating her like your own mother. She loves you dearly and trusts your care.

*Dr. Wright-Thanks for always being proactive in your care for my mother. We are grateful.

*Amanda C.-I'm glad you found us through Stephanie. Thanks for commenting and for passing the word on to your parents. We love your family so much and know you all are praying people.

*Everyone who visited my mom at Baptist-hospitals are not fun places, especially when someone is in CCU. Thanks for driving and taking time out to brighten my mom's spirits.

*Emily-Thanks for caring enough to call my dad and email me. I'm so thankful for the wonderful support system my mom has through the Memphis group. So encouraging.

*Sue Moore-You are so encouraging! If anyone can relate to the "unknown" I know it's your family. I think every time I see my parents, they tell me more of "your story" and it's evident they are encouraged by your faith and the miracle God worked in your granddaughter's life! We know God is big because He has used families like you to show us.

Again, I know I'm leaving people out and that there will be more to come! We love each of you and are thankful for your encouragement!

Helpful Hint...

I also put mom's contact info in the sidebar of this web-page, so the info is always at your fingertips!

New Info

Here is the latest news on my mom...PLEASE keep the prayers coming!

Apparently, there are three kinds of PH. The only way to determine what kind of PH my mom has is to do a lung biopsy. Dr. Robbins said at this stage, a lung biopsy is too risky. After reviewing all the test results from Friday, Dr. Robbins decided that he isn't going to pursue changing her medicine to Flolan. From his observation, changing the medicine wouldn't make that much of a difference. The transplant IS the next step. A transplant nurse will come to talk to them soon.

Today mom was able to walk to the nurses station and back with the help of my dad...the furthest distance she she has walked in two weeks.

If you would like to send my mom a card, please send it to the following address:

Vanderbilt Hospital

1211 Medical Center Dr.

Nashville, TN 37232

Please put the following in the lower left-hand corner:

PT Janice Henderson

Room 7010

I know she would LOVE to hear from ANYONE! My dad wrote down everyone's name who has left a comment on this blog so he could go back and tell my mom. I'm probably going to Nashville this weekend, so I will print off any comments and take them so mom can read them. I know she will be so encouraged by your words!

Exciting!!!!

I checked my email just a few minutes ago, and I had an email FROM MY MOM!!!

She gave me a room number and a phone number for me to call her, so I IMMEDIATELY grabbed the phone!! Besides our 30 second conversation last Wednesday evening, today was the first time I've been able to talk to her in two weeks! I was excited to the point of tears!!!

She got moved into a regular room as of about 6:00 this morning. She said that yesterday was very exhausting; she went through a BUNCH of testing that she's never had to do before. She also said that she feels better than she has in a long time--she actually feels like getting up and walking around a bit and eating. She hasn't had an appetite in weeks. Talking on the phone does wear her out, so our phone conversation wasn't very long.

Some things of note:

**Dr. Robbins is the lead research doctor of PH. I thought he was the lead research transplant doctor. He is actually gone this weekend for the PH convention.

**They do want to switch her medicine from Remodulin to Flolan to see how it works first. The transplant is not off the table at this point, they just have to exhaust every other option first. Her body also has to be in tip-top shape in order to have the transplant.

**Mom's words to me were, "Leah, I just feel so strongly that God needed me to go through everything in the last two weeks to get me to this doctor." We talked about how thankful we are that Dr. Wright, Dr. Coker, Dr. Hundley, and Dr. Squires were proactive in their care for her. What a blessing.

**It looks as though Mom will still be at Vanderbilt for a while. She's totally okay with that because she knows she's in good hands and getting the best care.

**She has a laptop in her room, so I told her that when she feels like it, we'll set her up as an administrator on this web-site, so you guys can hear from her yourself!! YAY!!!

Latest News

Dad just called again, and everything is going well.

Mom has been going through quite a bit of testing today, a lot of the same tests she had at Baptist, but of course, all hospitals want their own readings. Mom's new doctor's name is Ivan Robbins, and he is the leading research doctor at Vanderbilt. She really liked him a lot and feels as though she is in good hands. Right now, he wants to change her medicine from Remodulin to Flolan. Dr. Robbin's hasn't spoken of the transplant yet, but I don't think it's off the table. I think they just want to see what the Flolan will do first.

I think I said in my post last night that the Remodulin goes directly into her veins. After reading a little about the drugs, I learned that Remodulin goes from a catheter directly into the skin and Flolan goes into the vein. Another thing I want to note is that after reading about all the drugs used to treat PPH, besides Flolan, my mom has been on all of them. I'm pretty sure that even right now, Treclear and Revatio are part of her treatment. (I may have to be corrected on that, but I'm 99.9% sure that's accurate.)

Right now, she is in an ICU unit, but will be moved to a regular room on the Pulmonary floor sometime soon, since she is not considered critical at this time. (That's a huge praise!) Her oxygen level is lower-about 68-which is what it is when she is at home. Also, she isn't wearing the mask right now, just the tube through her nose-which is another huge praise! She still has some fluid, and they are working to get that off as well.

Keep the prayers coming!

Made It To Vanderbilt

Dad called around 8:00 this morning to say that mom made it to Vanderbilt around 10:30 last night. Everything is going smoothly-no big news, really.

Any time she is seen by doctors, it's a team of doctors, and will probably be a different team each time. Last night, one team came in and asked she and my dad a bunch of family history questions.

Aunt Judy flew with mom, so she is there, too. Dad and Aunt Judy stayed in the room with her last night and today daddy is going to try to find a hotel to stay in, so he can get some rest at night.

That's about all I know for now...still not much!

First Post

Well, I guess I'm the designated PR person for the family! My dad has had so many phone calls, he can't answer all of them, so he is handing out my email so I can keep folks up-to-date with what is going on with my mom.

I'm glad to keep everyone informed on our situation but decided that rather than having write the same message over and over again in email, I could set up a website, write it all here once, and then you guys could come and check whenever it's convenient.

For those of you who don't know my mom's story, I'll give you the short version...

She was diagnosed with PPH about four years ago, all beginning with a battle of bronchitis that turned in to pneumonia. (The disease is also linked with the drug fen-phen, but this is not my mom's case. Her doctors believe that it's genetic.) Mom has gone through several different drug treatments in the last few years, the latest being a mainline pump that she had inserted in November 2006.

Last Monday, mom was given the news that her "pump" medicine isn't working anymore, and the next step is a heart AND double lung transplant. She has been in CCU at Baptist Hospital in Little Rock for about 10 days and in the air on her way to Vanderbilt as we speak.

Our family is hopeful, but we also know that the final outcome is in God's hands. We serve a BIG God who is bigger than disease, bigger than medical expenses, and bigger than life itself. God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28) and will get the honor and glory from this, no matter the outcome.

The verse at the top of this web page, James 1:2-4 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This is my mom. She has chosen joy in her circumstances, not just now, but from the very beginning of her diagnosis. I remember being on the phone with her after she was diagnosed the summer of 2004 and her words were, "I can't let this bring me down. God has a purpose for my suffering and I'm going to use it for Him." I won't say that my mom has always been happy about being sick or that she's never prayed for God to take this terrible disease away, but even in the midst of her suffering, she has been an encouragement to others.

I will update as much as I can...anytime there is new news to share. You might want to save this website in your favorites, because I probably won't send out an email when I post. Please comment anytime! We will make sure my mom hears your kind thoughts and words. Please keep my family in your prayers! This is a journey...one that will end up victorious one way or another!