Jan's Journey: 2010

A few weeks ago, Evan and I were looking at several pictures on our fridge. I think it all started because I put Kendall's preschool class picture up there and we were looking at it. Anyway, as we were looking at the pictures, we were started talking about who Kendall favored. No doubt, Kendall has Evan's eyes and she seems to have my lips/mouth, but her nose always throws us.

That is, until we started looking at this picture. (Isn't she pretty??)

And then this picture. (And isn't she pretty?)

And then, this picture.

Do you see it?

Kendall has my mom's nose! And my mom has my Mimi's nose!

I'm so glad Kendall shares some distinct physical feature of my mother. Very special to me! And thanks to my hubby for helping me figure this out!

For two years, I've had these great ambitions to focus on what Mother's Day can mean to me now. You know...honoring all those people who are "like mom" to me (because Lord knows there are a ton of them out there!)and reflecting on what an honor it is to be Kendall's mom.

Two years in a row, I failed.

I had big plans to buy cards and mail them to several people, but it just didn't happen. When I tried to make the cart go down the card aisle at Walgreens on Tuesday, it just wouldn't go. I got that knot in my throat just thinking about it, and I knew I would break down right there in the middle of the store.

For the second year in a row, I told Evan that I was sorry. I know he counts on me to come through on things like that for his mom, but again this year, I just couldn't. He called his mom tonight and apologized for no card or gift.

It's crazy how much you can still miss a person, but yet have complete peace with the circumstances. I'm not angry at God and I don't question his timing, I just miss her like crazy.

I want to share brownies with her and talk about new found recipes. I want to call and tell her all the funny things Kendall says and does. I want to go shopping with her. Sheesh...I really miss the shopping! I want to ask HER decorating opinion. I want to say, "Remember that time we went walking at 5:30 in the morning and saw _____ (name withheld) in his underwear?" then crack up laughing because even though it happened ten years ago, it's still THAT hilarious. I want her to hear Kendall singing and for her teach Kendall new songs. I want to talk about which flowers to plant where and have her give opinions about what we should do next in our yard. She was just really good at that kind of stuff. I want to discuss with her how my husband is so excited that he can't stand it about going on a mission trip to Africa and I'm a little flipped out about him being across the globe in a semi-dangerous place for a week. Then I want to hear HER say how proud she is of him for his faith-step and of me for being a big-girl.

I could go on and on...

Very recently I heard someone say, "Man, she's driving me crazy!" speaking of their mother. I didn't say a word aloud, but I wanted to say, "Be thankful that you have a mother that can still drive you crazy and don't EVER take it for granted."

Happy Mother's Day. Maybe next year I'll make it down the card aisle....