I've been wanting to write on here all week, but can't seem to find the time to do it. I wonder why...we are only in the middle of working on our new house and trying to move in by Friday!!!Add school for Evan, work for me, taking care of Kendall, and church activities...there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to get done!
Before I go on about October, I think it's difficult to re-word things after you lose a loved one. For example, I still find myself saying "my mom and dad's house." I don't know if that is correct or not. I mean, on one hand, it is still her house, she just isn't there anymore. On the other hand, when I say it, I'm always afraid the person whom I'm speaking is going to think I'm in denial that I think my mom still lives there or something. I guess I shouldn't worry about what other people think anyway because it doesn't matter. I know I'm not in denial about her death.
I already geared myself up for October being a difficult month. It's only the 4th day (I think it's the 4th-ha!) and it's everything I expected it to be. It all started with my bible study on Tuesday night. It was all about Heaven, and it was all I could do to finish the day. (I'm chasing a rabbit here, but it seems as though the talk of Heaven is what gets to me the most. I mean, just play I'll Fly Away or Mercy Me's Homesick and the tears just start. This is not a good thing when I'm driving to work in the morning.) The next day (Wednesday) was my Aunt Judy's birthday. I knew Aunt Judy was probably okay, but also probably a little sad that she couldn't celebrate with her sister. October 20 is (was...again...how do you say that?!?!) my mom's birthday and then Kendall's birthday is the 23rd. I'm thankful that I have the memories of my mom being in the delivery room for Kendall's birth, but I'm sad that she's not here to celebrate with us this year.
Just remember my all my family in your prayers this month. Thankfully, I have lots to keep me busy. We have to be out of our apartment by Friday, company coming the next two weeks after that (one of those being my dad!) and then I'm hosting a baby shower the first weekend in November. I'm glad to have other things to keep my mind busy, but still, when I have down time, she is the first thing that comes to my mind. It's just hard not to miss her when we've got so much big stuff going on right now!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
October
Posted by Leah at 8:55 PM
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3 comments:
Dad has been gone since 1996 and I still refer to the house in Alma as Mom and Dad's on occasion. September is STILL a hard month for me (he died on the 30th). His birthday was in October as well.
I know you wish you mother was here to see all the exciting things going on in your life right now, it's okay! I have felt that same way for the last 12 years when things were going on. Just remember all the good things and know that some day you will be with her again.
My prayers will be with you and your family over the next several months. This year of "firsts" will be the hardest. God bless you all!
I love you, Joyce
Praying for you and your family now!- Holly
I just wish I could give you a big hug! Get one from Kendra & Allyce when they come up this weekend! My Mom got to go home 4 days before Stephanie's 2nd birthday. Stephanie is 14 now. You'll always miss her, but the Lord will grow you in ways that are a blessing to you and your family too. You will never take having someone you love close by for granted. You will give hugs sometimes and not want them to end. You will have a stronger faith in your God because you have HAD TO trust and believe what He says is true. As wonderful as my kids are and how much I miss her at times I know they don't compare to being where she is at this very moment. Just wanted you to know, I know what you're feeling and I'm praying for you! My mom's birthday is October 29th.
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